


it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart

by the_strangest_person



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Insecurity, Love, Post season three, Renew Anne with an E, Romance, Shirbert, Sweet, christmas reunion, courting shirbert, kiss, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22038550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_strangest_person/pseuds/the_strangest_person
Summary: a Christmas reunion at the Blythe household, with some insecurity and sweetness underneath the Christmas candles.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 26
Kudos: 362





	it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart

As the candles flickered before her, Anne felt sick to her stomach.

She had wanted to spend her time at Queens absorbing all of the newfound knowledge, broadening the scope of her imagination and expanding her circle of kindred spirits. But it was difficult to focus on such mundane things, when there was a constant timer in her heart that simply wanted to count down the minutes until she saw him again. Diana had often scolded her for staying up writing by candlelight, but there would never be enough words for all that she wanted to say to him, every feeling that she had locked away within her heart for so long. There was now a door that had opened up inside, her chest opening up like angel wing, filled with nothing but sky. A never-ending space for their future, and Anne felt such comfort knowing that she was not obliged to figure out every last detail. There was something new and exciting about knowing that wherever they ended up, they would be side by side - as equals. She refrained from mentioning those terrifying ideals within her heartfelt letters, biting her lip at the idea of scaring Gilbert off altogether while he was busy conquering medical school. He had tried to keep up with her letters as often as he could, and one particular day she was left feeling disappointed when the quiet old man did not have her weekly letter. The man, whose name turned out to be Frank, politely listened to her melancholy ramblings and patted her hand for comfort while she sat questioning everything. When Frank returned the following week with a precious letter held tightly in his hands - she gave him quite a fright as they span around, her laughter singing high above the clouds.

"My goodness, _Anne!"_ Marilla's voice cut through her thoughts, "I'll warn you not to stand too close to the tree, unless you want your hair to catch alight!"

She jerked away from the warmth of the candles, shaking her head gently. "I'm sorry, Marilla. I was just caught up in my thoughts."

Marilla finished placing the remaining mince pies into the basket, "Well, hurry up and get your coat! Sebastian will be wondering where we are."

The sick feeling was back, one that she had tried her hardest to ignore. Diana kept nudging her worriedly on the train ride back to Avonlea, but she simply received a head shake in return. Marilla kept repeating her name after they embraced in the parlor, snapping the redhead out of her thoughts and frowning at how far away she seemed, with even Matthew's eyes trailing back to her every so often. He quietly asked her if anything was on her mind, but she sent him the brightest smile she could muster and rambled on about how she was just so excited to be back home again. Perhaps Anne was worried that if she began to talk about it, the feeling would never go away. It was something that she couldn't comprehend, but as soon as she was reminded of the fact that she would be seeing him in less than an hour - the feeling returned. It was an unfriendly feeling, far different than the butterflies that tickled her stomach when he lifted up a gentle hand to touch her pale cheek. Deep down, some part of her knew that something had to go wrong sooner or later.

"Anne..." Marilla tilted her head, "You're as white as a sheet."

She swallowed dryly. "J-just cold."

The Blythe household had always somehow felt like home. The sturdy roof and familiar brick pattern, all covered in a generous layer of snow that fell into her eyelashes as she climbed out of the buggy. She was brought back to afternoons where she would play with Delly, feeling her tiny hand tug at her braids until she laughed, or mornings with Mary teaching her new recipes. Sometimes Gilbert would peek over at them before leaving for his apprenticeship, and Anne would threaten to tip the flour over his curls if he did not stop watching. Mary would laugh at the teenagers, shaking her head as Gilbert raised his hands in surrender before swiftly escaping the house. She could remember the moments leading up to her tragic death, stopping in front of the only place that Gilbert had ever called home, hoping that she could refrain from putting her foot in it for once. As she spent moments wrapped in his arms, she only wanted him to know that despite her fiery temper and selfish words, despite everything that had transpired between them, good, bad and ugly - she would _always_ be there for him. But as Marilla rapped her knuckles on the familiar door gently, Anne could only focus on the bitter feeling in her gut, pounding away with warning.

_"My, my, my!"_ Bash opened the door with his usual warm grin, his body shivering slightly as the cold wind swept through the entrance, "...out of that cold, quickly!"

The Cuthbert's stepped in, taking off their coats and scarves, placing them on the hooks like they always had. There was no hesitation as Marilla passed him the basket of treats, gesturing for Matthew to sit down at the candle lit table while Anne offered to help. Bash sent her a dismissive wave and she hovered about aimlessly.

_"Anne."_

His breathless voice cut through the indistinct chatter among the kitchen, and her own breath felt short as she turned to look at him.

In that moment, she was face to face with a fairy tale prince. He had galloped out of the pages of a novel, a noble knight or hero that had come to save the day, sword hidden somewhere between his rich dark curls and sleek tweed jacket. She couldn't tear her eyes away from every single detail, his sharp jaw and slender throat disappearing into the edges of his linen shirt. Gilbert always had a good soul, a large head on his shoulders and just the right boyish smile that made her weak in the knees. He had some way of making her feel like a hopeless maiden, ready to fall at his feet and whisper his name like a prayer just so that he would offer her a moment of his company. Anne's cheeks flushed as he held her gaze, hands feeling shaky and clammy as she wiped them on her dress. He was ready to defy the laws of gravity for her, to slay her dragons like he had once promised, and Anne had never felt more intimidated standing across the room from him. 

His eyebrows started to twist together with confusion, eyes losing their certainty as he suddenly felt lost, "Do...um, do I not even get a hug?"

Conscious that all eyes in the room were on her, Anne let out a small awkward laugh before walking closer to him. She was in and out of his embrace within a second, tearing herself away from the warmth before she was trapped in the way that he made her feel. Gilbert tried his best to smile normally, avoiding Bash's careful gaze as if trying to work out what was going on - which would have been pointless as the eighteen year old felt just as clueless.

_"Merry Christmas"_ she managed to spit out.

Bash cleared his throat, clapping his hands together, "Shall we eat?"

The duration of Christmas dinner was thankfully void of any awkward silence. Anne made a frequent habit of complimenting Bash's cooking skills, receiving gratitude in return as he told her all of the secrets that he had learned from Mary that she may not know. Marilla and Matthew sparked up polite conversation with Gilbert about his studies, trying their best not to glance at Anne who stared down stubbornly at her plate so that she would not say the wrong thing. It was filled with laughter and normal conversation, apart from the significant silence between Anne and Gilbert. He had tried his best to catch her eye but it was difficult when she spent her time speaking to Bash, helping him feed Delly and clean her up before shoveling her own food into her mouth so that she didn't have to speak. The pair did not ask each other any questions, merely stretching their ears whenever their names were brought up. Anne hoped that it would settle the strange sensation in her stomach to ignore him but it somehow only made her feel worse.

While she was helping to clear away the plates, Bash asked Gilbert to put out the Christmas candles on the tree and he met her gaze for a split second, "Anne, do you mind helping me?"

She resisted the urge to squeeze her eyes shut uncomfortably, swallowing as she realized that all eyes in the room were once again headed for her direction. His eyebrow was raised slightly, a careful edge to his tone but by his clenched fists, she knew that he was daring her to refuse in front of everyone. So instead she nodded quickly, drying up the last plate before handing it to Bash so that he could put it away neatly. Gilbert did not wait for her, walking into the parlor with the expectation that she would follow, and Anne's stance felt shaky like the wind as she reluctantly joined him.

The Christmas tree resided beside the cushioned seat in the corner, decorated with several handmade ornaments and a couple of socks that had been knitted for Delly. But as Gilbert turned around to face her from where he stood, she noticed that he had already blown out every single candle, instead watching her with tense shoulders. She made an instant detour to the window on the other side of the room, pretending that she could not hear his huff of frustration at her behavior.

"Anne-"

She cut him off desperately, her face pressed up against the cold glass. "I just find winter so thrilling, don't you? The blanket of snow provides so much scope for the imagination, and although sometimes I think I'll freeze to death, there are so many romantical aspects that I just cannot ignore. I've always been particularly partial to spring because of the beautiful blossoms and the warmer air, but everything looks so perfectly still in white-"

"Would you just-"

Her breath started to steam up on the glass, fading away quicker each time that she paused to find something else to ramble about, "Marilla used to scold me for going out in the snow without enough layers, always afraid that my fingers would fall right off but I just could never help myself! I-I never had much opportunity in the orphanage to enjoy the weather, I would just watch it from the windows which were usually cracked or dirty. I remember thinking that my first winter in Avonlea was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, but each season just broadened the scope for my imagination. I'm now sure that I could never truly pick a favorite, they each have such remarkable q-qualities-"

Gilbert's hand settled down on her own, her words stuttering to a stop. " _Anne, please."_

"...please, what?" she whispered.

He was silent for a moment, sorting through his crowded thoughts with care. "Have I...done anything to upset you? Did I do something wrong or-"

She span around to look at him, finally, _"What?"_

_"Just..."_ his eyes squeezed shut, "...answer the question, please."

Her reply was weak, "No."

Gilbert's shoulders relaxed slightly but the tension was still there, his movements slow as he took both of her hands in his. She let her eyes flutter close at the feeling of his thumb tracing over her knuckles, but he would not let the matter go, _"...then what is it?_ Y-You've been acting strange ever since you arrived, not talking to me or even looking at me for more than five seconds...listen, okay? I have done nothing but miss you for these past months, and in your letters you seemed....just be honest with me. I-I need to know if you've changed your mind about me or if you need time, I-I could understand but you need to-"

Anne pulled away from him sharply, _"Changed my mind?"_

He watched her carefully, "You-"

"You..."her breath was shaky, eyes staying on his without shifting for once, "...you think that I've changed my mind about you?"

"What else-"

"Gilbert..." she shook her head, suddenly feeling like such a fool as she let her hands slip away from his, "I...I thought you had changed your mind about me."

_"What?"_

She winced.

_"How?"_ he asked rather sternly, "How could you think that?"

Anne shook her head, looking down at the floor.

He continued on mercilessly, trying to grab her attention by repeating her name in a voice that she almost didn't recognize _. "Anne."_

_"Because I'm me!"_ she exclaimed, her eyes suddenly stinging with tears that she didn't realize were about to spill, "... _and you're you!_ I'm Anne....plain Anne that still wakes up every morning terrified that you won't want me anymore, I-I have to reread your letters to convince myself that I didn't dream it all. I'm the one who turned up at Green Gables to be judged, to have everyone call me ugly and red-headed and freckled and full of temper, and I'm the one who was nothing but dirty trash for years and....you....you're _you!_ _You're Gilbert Blythe-"_

His voice filled with hurt, "And what does that mean?"

She ran out of steam, her disgusting rambles fading away to nothing but pure vulnerability that she had never let him see before, a loose tear escaping her glassy eye. "It means that I...I still don't know how you can say all of these wonderful, beautiful things about me...things that I have only ever dreamed of. I don't know how you always have the right words, how you always do the right thing and how you always forgive me when I say nothing but the wrong thing! I-I have been holding my breath all day, terrified that I would somehow mess it all up like I always do, that I would offend you or scare you away with my plans for our future, a future that we may not even have and-"

"I have a gift for you."

Anne stopped short, "W-What?"

The softer glint had returned to his eyes, and his face lost the harshness for a moment. Before she had a chance to question him further, one hand disappeared into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out something that was hidden in his palm. When he finally tipped the object out of the soft black bag, she lost every thought in her head. As the precious green jewel sparkled underneath the warm light around them, it felt like the world itself had stopped for a moment. There was no gravitational pull holding her body down, almost like she could float up to the stars at any moment - the universe simply held on _pause. It_ glimmered brighter than any expensive diamond that she could have ever imagined, the thin gold band shining like the sweetest sunshine. It was simply exquisite, but it was the meaning that the ring held that swept her breath away. When she snuck another glance up at the boy- _no, man_ before her, she felt trapped in a pool of sticky honey. His smile was as gentle as it always was, his lips curling up beautifully and making his defined chin stick out even further. But it was the uncertainty within his eyes that struck her heart, as if he was simply hoping that something so modest would be good enough for her, and it made the sick feeling in her stomach evaporate into nothing but a distant memory.

"G-Gil-"

"Do you like it?" he asked, unable to help himself.

_"Like it?"_ she spluttered, eyes flickering between his own and the beautiful ring held carefully between his fingers. "It is the most wonderful thing I have ever seen."

He managed to smile brighter, looking down at it himself like he had all of those months ago. Back then, he had been planning for it to end up on the finger of a polite blonde that unlocked all of the dreams to his future, but even then, some part of him could only picture a freckled hand that belonged to his fiery redhead. There was no question about his feelings this time, no confusion or need to impress.

Gilbert stroked it fondly, "It was my mother's...," as if he could feel her inevitable panic starting to bubble up, he found his grip on her hand once more when she tried to back away, "...calm down, please. I-I'm not proposing...yet."

_"Y-Yet?"_ she repeated breathlessly, ocean eyes wide.

"Anne..." he started with a small laugh, "...let me talk for once."

She winced. _"...sorry..."_

"I-I don't want to bring up memories that neither of want to think about, but we both know that this isn't the first time I thought about giving someone this ring...", he watched her carefully, how her eyes fell down to the floor by instinct, "...with Winifred, I somehow always felt like I wasn't good enough. I soon found out about her wealth and felt so plain in comparison, knowing that I was nothing more than an orphan that had little to his name. I-I stayed awake worrying about what they would think of Bash and our partnership on the farm and even though they were nothing but accepting, I could never truly relax around them. But, with you _...I-I could be myself._ You had known me for years, admittedly not always thinking so highly of me, but you were always there. I had seen you help with Delly and the farm more times than most, always opening up your heart to others around you, no matter where they came from and it...it feels so good to know that I don't have to change for you. _You know who I am..."_ he stopped for a moment, meeting her gaze and squeezing her fingers softly, "...and I want you to know... _that I know you._ You...you don't always get things right on the first try, you don't always know what to do or how to deal with new situations, but you never give up. You find some way to work everything out, you befriend those who have hurt you in the past and...knowing how much hardship you have been through yourself, I want you to know that I..."

Anne felt a tear slip down her face.

"I would never expect you to change..." he admitted feebly, a sheepish expression on his face, _"I-I don't think I could stand it if you changed a single thing about yourself."_

The sky that had opened up in her heart was suddenly filled with sunshine.

Gilbert continued on in a shaky voice, eyes sparkling with love. "I'm not going to get down on my knee, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't let me in the first place..." she giggled in reply, sniffing through the tears, "...and I know that we are too young and I would never get in the way of your education or dreams. But I'm hoping there will be a day in the future, when you are ready and I can put this ring on your finger...but for now..."

She nodded in approval when he tapped the golden heart on her necklace, reaching behind her fiery hair to take it off for him. He opened the clasp and slid the ring down onto the chain, watching it bump gently against the heart that lay on her chest, like an extension of her soul.

"I'm hoping that you'll be happy to wear it _here..."_ he finished off sweetly.

Anne couldn't speak for a long time, wonder struck by the way that the green stone glimmered underneath the lanterns. The golden band matched her necklace perfectly, and she choked on a sob at how it almost seemed like it was made just for her. In another lifetime, perhaps there were such a thing as soul mates and the universe somehow knew that two souls crafted out of stardust, would find their way to each other. Their road had not always been smooth and straight forward, but all that mattered was that the universe had known that at the end of it, lay a sparkling green ring that was picked just for her. She found herself breathlessly, voice wobbling, "Gil...are you sure?"

_"Anne..."_ he whispered, stroking a lock of her red hair that had tumbled down across her shoulders, "... _it's yours,_ it's always been yours. I-I don't know if you will accept in twenty years, or in three years, but...it will never belong to anyone else."

She felt her chest tighten. "I-I..."

"Do you know why?" he tugged on her hair gently, a knowing look in his eyes and a sweeter touch than all of those years ago, "...because ever since I pulled on your hair and had you whack your slate across my head...it's been _you. I...I belong to you._ It's always been you and I-I was a fool not to realize it any sooner because _it could never be anyone else."_

Her brain caught up with her heart, knocking his words back as her thoughts came out jumbled, riddled with insecurity, "I-I would be an awful wife."

Gilbert's eyes twinkled. "May I ask why?"

"Well...I-I..."

"Hmmm?" he stepped closer, inches away.

She found it difficult to breathe with him so close. "I-I talk too much."

He grinned. "I've known that ever since I met you... _anything else?"_

"E-Everyone would be scandalized, they would...wouldn't ever understand why you choose someone like me and they would say awful things about us."

Her protests felt weak as he leaned even closer, tucking a red curl behind her ear, as if he had been wanting to do it for years, which perhaps he had, "...I don't care about what anyone else thinks..." he whispered, glancing down at her lips.

"W-We..." her voice faded away like it was lost, _"...we would fight all of the time."_

Gilbert let out a warm laugh at that, eyes boring deep into hers. _"Well, that's nothing out of the ordinary...",_ after letting the words wrap around her and hearing no other worries, he gave into his instincts and let both of hands cup her cheeks so that she couldn't move away from him. In a swift motion, he pressed his lips against hers, and let the entire world fade away with such a beautiful feeling.

He pulled away too soon, rubbing his nose against hers. _"You're stuck with me, I'm afraid."_

She wasn't sure if it was meant to sound daunting, but it bundled up all of her worries and insecurities up onto its shoulders like a brave Pegasus, flying them far, far away to another land until she could no longer remember what she was so afraid of. Within a second, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, eager for their lips to meet once again...and again...and again. She could feel him smiling against her lips and it soon broke out into a laugh, their foreheads pressed together before they met in the middle once more. It was a peaceful war of give and take, their movements soft and unhurried one moment, before switching to a passionate frenzy as if they could never get enough of such a feeling. Anne could remember wondering how something so thrilling could be named something so plain, but there was a fantastical irony in how the feeling made her lose all of the words in the English language. The world fell away until she felt lost in the middle of an ocean, grasping onto the only life raft left, the only thing that she had ever known. It was how he always had a way of making her feeling like a princess in her own way, far braver and more romantic than Cordelia ever could be. For despite the years she had dreamt of being Princess Cordelia, she had Gilbert Blythe kissing her in such a way, and nothing else compared.

In the warm light, she was brought back to Gilbert feeling like he could always be at home when he was with her, and there was a beautiful privilege in holding such power. She let her eyes run over him and noticed something rather extraordinary in such an unforgettable moment. Gilbert Blythe was no prince, not even a hero or a brave knight that had stepped out of a romantic fairy tale. He did not wear the finest suits and thickest armor that could protect her from all of the hurt in the world, and he had no real superpowers. Instead, he was wearing a comfortable tweed jacket and smart trousers with frayed hems at the corners, his curls messier than usual as if he hadn't bothered to comb through them. Despite not having any amour, he found a way to be resilient, rising like a phoenix through the ashes without even stopping for a moment to realize how special he truly was. Standing in front of her, was not the handsome Gilbert Blythe that everyone had drooled over in the school house, nor was it the fancy student ready to attend an elite university in Paris. Underneath the lanterns and Christmas tree, it was the Gilbert that she knew.

_"I love you"_ he whispered, as if he could read her mind.

Anne found herself choking on air, giggling as she caught her breath, holding onto his forearms steadily so that she didn't fall down, "I-I...uh-"

"Are you okay?" he watched her, tilting his head with amusement.

"I...uh," she closed her eyes, committing the words to memory, "I haven't heard you say it before...I-I didn't think anything could be better than seeing it on paper but..."

He watched her with those same eyes, in that same way that she had tried to ignore for so many years. Thinking back to those Christmas celebrations together, every single day in the cloak room where he said goodbye to her after putting his coat on, standing outside of a pure white church on such a special occasion - he had always looked at her the same. She knew that whatever their future held in store, he would always look at her with those same eyes.

_"I love you"_ she laughed, feeling like she was spinning around in circles, "...I-I don't think I've ever heard such an enchanting concoction of words before..."

Gilbert leaned in once more, but was cut off.

"Anne?" Marilla called from the kitchen, "Gilbert?"

They hurried back into the kitchen with red cheeks, Anne tucking her necklace underneath the collar of her dress so that she could still feel it against her heart, but avoid insistent questions from Marilla on such a night. Part of her still felt like she was dreaming, to have such a promise hanging around her neck, part of a moment that she would forever keep locked within her heart, dancing among the clouds in her sunny sky. That night, she could hardly sleep after kissing Gilbert's cheek in farewell, seeing his eyes sparkling under the light of the moon. She squeezed her eyes shut with the knowledge that she would have several days to catch up, to thread flowers through his curls and tell him that she loved him until she lost her breath, knowing that it would somehow be worth it.

Some day she would say _"yes",_ the answer that had been within her heart for years, and his eyes would sparkle like the stars - bringing her back to that same moment beside the Christmas tree when Gilbert Blythe said that he belonged to her.

**Author's Note:**

> so here is another one shot, and after season three - I know everyone has been wanting a never-ending supply of these while we fight for our show to be renewed! I have wanted to do a Christmas one and I do have some other ideas, let me know if you have any specific requests or if you would want to see me writing more about their courtship and sweet moments ! Let me know what you think <3


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